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Koalas. Cute aren't they? But what most people don't realise is that they are some of the Mazis most deadly members. I know most of you won't believe me when I tell you this but Koalas love the taste of fingers! The myth that Koalas only enjoy the taste of Gum leaves was created by the marsupials themselves in an effort to fool people into tickling the fuzzy furballs under the chin. Of course when this happens they have the perfect opportunity to make a quick attempt at biting off the finger. Koalas particularly enjoy biting off thumbs. This is possibly because without our thumbs, we humans would not be able to hold or use many of the weapons that we have crafted over the years, leaving the world open for invasion by Marsupials. Perhaps the oddest thing about Koalas is their hatred for dogs. Whenever they see a dog they will pounce on it and try to kill it, usually aiming for the neck, trying to slash open the throat or throttle it to death, as seen below in this picture from Corbis:
The Koala first began its life of trechery and trickery when it purposefully evolved to look like a cuddly teddy bear. Fossil records show that ancient Koalas resembled dog-like creatures and decided that the best way to gain the trust of humans was to evolve into the creatures we see today. However not all went well with the Koalas plans. Because of their intelligence in figuring out what humans would trust they lost their dog-like bodies. However because of their stupidity, dogs gained the trust of humans, whereas the more intelligent Koala refused to do simple things such as fetch a stick or rollover and so the humans came to trust the dog more and the Koala less. Koalas are trying to make up for this now, however, by using the worlds renewed love of cute things to establish trust with mankind again. This trust will of course be used against us in the coming war that is bound to break out between mankind and the Marsupials. While people will perhaps expect these wanton acts of carnage from Wombats, they just won't believe that the cuddly Koala is capable of violence until the bastards pounce on them from the trees. Of course by then it is too late.
Koalas are also profficient in chemical warfare. The eucalyptus leaves they eat are full of poisons that are deadly to humans. Koalas have been known to regurgitate this poison and spit into the mouth of humans. Witnesses of these events describe it as "Cute," regarding the koala as a human baby who just spat something up, as their unfortunate companion lies on the floor slowly dying.
In conclusion the Koala is a cute and fuzzy Hitler who would do anything in its cuddly little power to make sure the Mazi regime rules supreme. If you happen to see one of them in a tree or in your local pub then make sure you deal with the little bastard in the most evil way possible, but don't get your fingers close to their mouths!
